There is nothing better for us than to cry. I think of Jim Valavno's moving speech during the ESPY's many years ago. He told the crowd that night that a good day consisted of three simple things; to laugh, to think, and to cry. I was only 19 or 20 years old at the time of that speech, but I remember like it was yesterday how much it moved me. And I have learned over the years that I should trust that moved feeling because it often is the one where my soul connects to truth. YES, laugh, think, and cry.
Now the laughing is pretty obvious. We just feel better when we are laughing. In fact, I was listening to a report yesterday on the news espousing the physical and emotional betterments from laughter. Laughter actually adds years to your life to sum up the research study that was being discussed, but we could probably have guessed this without the study.
Thinking; spending time in reflection. It helps us become clearer about the important things so we can prioritize. It allows us to review what we are doing well and not so well in order to either continue or change course. It is the conduit to progress; the mother of innovation, creativity, and consciousness.
But crying? Crying? Yet here I was at 20 years old, watching a man battle for his life in a public forum, and his profound wisdom just hit me so deeply. It was okay to cry. Here is this tough, Italian guy, and college sports coach, a leader of men, saying not only is it okay to cry, but I should do it everyday; that it was good for me; good for my soul. And, again, I knew deep down inside, in a place that hadn't even evolved yet at this point in my young life, that he was right.
Our tears are our catharsis. Our tears are our release. They broker the deal between overwhelming and being able to handle it. They are nothing to ever apologize for. They cleanse us from the inside, and relieve the pressure that threatens us inwardly, should we fail to let them flow.
There is a wonderful song by the band "The Flaming Lips" in which the lead singer, Wayne Coyne, sings/asks, 'Do you realize, that happiness makes you cry?' We have all had these moments. Our joy is forever a partner with our sorrow. The two are inextricably linked in ways that are both obvious and mysterious simultaneously. As Khalil Gibran wrote in The Prophet,
"The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain." So, crying is a blessed event.
I think our culture; our rugged individualism, pull yourself up by your bootstraps mentality, just got it all wrong. It is in our vulnerability that we become most human, and thusly most connected. This is a life about relationships. If i can cry with you, we are great friends; trusted allies. If i have to apologize for my tears, then I must not feel too safe in revealing my truer self to you. For the truer self in all of us at times is a sadness, a longing, a need to be nurtured.
My discovery is that of Conor Oberst's who sang, "and your eyes must do some raining, if you're ever gonna grow." It is through our tears, our hardships, that our character, our empathy, and our wisdom evolve.
so, cry. Unabashedly, without regret. Make no apologies for your tears for they are a gift, and if you try and block them, it is like refusing your friend's compliment, or your neighbor's charity when you are struggling. You are stifling your growth process. Jimmy V not only gave me permission 17 odd years ago but told me I would be healthier for it. He was hundred percent right.
