We need to speak positive thoughts to ourselves. I often encourage clients to post affirming thoughts/beliefs/feelings about themselves on their bathroom mirrors or on their car dashboards; really any place they will see them every day. The intention is to speak in love to the person who needs it most; you. You may or may not realize this, but the most important person in this world is you. I don't write that flippantly or as some insincere, thoughtless attempt to boost your self esteem. I write this as ultimate truth, and here is why.
We can only give away what we have. If you truly love yourself, than from you, love can flow abundantly. This means that your spouses, children, friends, co-workers, clients, and anyone who crosses your path will receive your best. You can quickly see how if everyone practiced self-love what a glorious domino effect this would have on our families, communities, and world. So, self-love is vital to our individual and collective health.
When I ask clients what they do for self-care, I get the funniest looks. It is like I asked them a question about the mathematical implications of the time-space continuum; or as if I was suddenly speaking German and expecting them to understand. This is always very telling. Much like being proactive about mental health in this country, self-care is a rare item on the top of most peoples' priority lists. Unfortunately, it is often only when people have broken down emotionally or mentally, or hit some dire consequence, that they seek therapy (It is estimated most people seek therapy around 7 years after they first needed it). Most of these crisis could have been either avoided or lessened considerably if self-care was a priority. So, what exactly is self-care?
Self-care is anything you set aside time for that reduces stress, brings joy, sparks creativity, fulfills purpose, or relieves current or potentially problematic future symptoms like depression, anxiety, obesity, insomnia, or self-doubt (to name a few). This could be meditation, exercise, an art class, gardening, massage therapy, or a spiritual retreat. It could involve time alone or time with friends. It is about nurturing oneself and mentally saying to oneself, I matter.
The resistance I often get with this is very predictable. The first excuse is "I simply don't have the time". To which I say, what takes more time; an extended emotional breakdown and possibly a physical one as well (for this is often the price of poor self-care)? Or, a considerate, compassionate scheduling of self-loving activities which keep you healthy and renewed. The second excuse is, "I don't have the money." That would be a fair argument, if I was only advocating for spa days and luxury indulgences, which I'm not. When was the last time you watched the sunset? Or, you walked that trail near your house that always brings about a sense of calm. Self-care is about following that inner voice in us all that leads us to a quiet mind.
Our world is moving at a breakneck pace. Sometimes I find myself with my laptop open, the TV on, while simultaneously texting friends and reviewing the ups and downs of the day like some over-caffeinated madman. When I catch myself in these positions I often laugh at the insanity of it all. Do I really need this much stimulation? Am I really getting anything of value accomplished here? Or, am I just overloading my being with mostly fruitless information that I will toss out at days end because my mind is already overcrowded with so much stuff.
So, I do yoga. I meditate. I pray. And I will go to the beach this weekend and get lost in a good read, stare at the shore, and listen to my kids' laughter. I call it pushing the reset button, but it is really about self-care. It is about grounding myself in the things which heal or comfort in order to recharge so I am of use to my family, my clients, but mostly, to myself. Because again, I can only give away what I have, and if I don't practice self-love and self-care, that won't be very much.
